Convictions

Me and Kuldeep had almost similar opinion about everything.Maths, physics, philosophy and how the first two take care of the third one.And our discussions used to go in the same order, from the day he interviewed me for the job till both of us left the company .
On our way to Jim Corbett on an official trip, after a couple of shots of vodka I had already reached the third phase of discussion, philosophy.I don't recall what I was blabbering ,but suddenly Manish said that you speak everything in terms of logic and Maths which soon translated to ,"you think only from your mind and not from your heart".Had it been any other time I would have said- no. I do think from heart. But with vodka and kuldeep on my side and a good amount of time to waste , I took the other way.I said," Nobody thinks from heart.Heart has only function , to pump the blood.I am not saying emotions don't exist , but even they come from mind. I am talking the most basic science as you read in junior class ,that heart pumps the blood and mind controls the actions and thoughts.".Kuldeep as drunk as me declared it to be an eternal truth . But this didn't go well with other people.Manish and shewta just couldn't agree that it was right.They knew it was ,but couldn't accept.And they were not arguing to me but explaining to themselves. Manish pulled the old trick that I can't know everything as I cant explain how did the universe start, and when you explain that they ask you what was before big bang...till the time you say you don't know.But again, when you are drunk you have two advantages- you speak loud and you tend to say things repeatedly.And so I kept saying about the heart and mind stuff.

Now after two years when I think about it,the reason why Manish and Shweta opposed so vehemently was not because of what I was saying.The problem was that you believe in something throughout your life and suddenly one fine day you wake up to find that it ain't the truth.Doesn't count how simple and clear it is, you can't take it.And the more time you have believed it , more painful it is for you to accept it.Like no matter how hard I try to explain my Mom that God doesn't exist and all these religious prayers are nonsense, she won't accept it. I quote her examples from our own lives but she just wont agree.She cannot. A person who spent her entire life believing in something can't just give up on it.Your entire body would fight against such a thought(okey..thats just a metaphor.only the mind fights).Its like as James Taggart in Atlas shrugged who when confronted with the truth that his life depended so much on John Galt's intellectual that If they let him die he will die as well. And he chose to die rather than accepting the truth.

I wonder if this can explain how some people don't try new things in life.People say they are afraid of failures. I say they are afraid of success.They have always believed that wont be able to achieve.And when they do ,even though they succeeded in achieving they lost one thing:their convictions.But you have to have convictions as long as you are alive--right or wrong.The only problem comes when one has to switch from one to another. Well...the fundamental conviction was we all like to live.Rest follows.